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Oh, hi my head bang king <3

On this day, 22nd of March 2017, and my friend request got accepted. My head bang king, my favorite bassist – Jason Rondero of Silent Sanctuary and Brisom. And I can’t move on.

It was 30th of September 2016 when I started to like him and became a huge fan. There was a college night at Malayan Colleges of Laguna and his band, Silent Sanctuary was invited to play. Supposedly, I should be in front of my favorite member of the band, Chino David, the violinist and back-up vocals, but because of the crowd, I was on the other side of the stage. Yes, in front of this hot and cool guy, Jason. That was the first time I ever noticed him playing bass guitar intensely and passionately. 100 pogi points!

I can’t forget that moment, when I was taking a video of him while playing their very own Kundiman. I waved my hand at him and mouthed hi, I was hoping he will ever notice me at least just for a single glance. And he did, hs waved his hand back and smiled at me. Kitang kita doon sa video ko yung ganda nung smile niya at kung gaano siya kagwapo. I admit, he really looks cool and astig when he play his bass guitar, when he backs up on vocals, when he grooves and make head bangs, wen he make jump shots. Waaa! Ang puso ko. Paano?

After that night, I started stalking him on Twitter, Instagram and WordPress. He even replied some of my comments there, and pinupusuan niya rin yung mga pictures na ti-nag ko sa kanya. And now, we’re literally friends on Facebook. Isa na ito sa mga dream goals ng lahat ng mga fan girls sa mundo, maging friends nila sa Fb yung mga hinahangaan nila.

And as I continue to like him, I’m looking forward to have a photo with him. And even a video message congratulating me because my graduation is in weeks now. I also want him to remember me as one of his fans who always want to watch Silent Sanctuary’s gigs every now and then. But I know it’s impossible for now. Ah, basta! Friends na kami sa Fb. Waaaa!

Disclaimer: Below is from his bio on shoppersguide.com.ph

About Jason Rondero

Jason plays bass for Silent Sanctuary and Brisom. A League of Legends and anime/cartoons junkie, he hates not finishing one’s food and sleeps most comfortably with a blanket even when it’s hot. He also just recently mended his lost ties with desserts and the beach. His personal blog is: https://pseudoquintessence.wordpress.com/

Books

I Wrote this for You, PleaseFindThis

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you happen, will happen if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That you friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, s if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between love and pain is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

 

Thought Catalog

100 Words.

Isang daang mga salita. Susubukan kong sumulat at ilathala sa pamamagitang ng maikling talata. Aking ipapahayag ang mga pinakatatagu-tagong damdamin at lihim, ang mga kwento sa bawat saya, tawa, lungkot, galit at hagulgol. Maging ang mga pangyayaring hindi ko nanaising makalimutan o mga taong naging malaki ang parte sa bawat araw na dadaan. Pipiliting hindi magkaroon ng labis o ng kulang, sa halip ito’y magiging sakto lamang. Alam kong hindi magiging madali, kakailanganin ng pangmatagalang pag-eensayo. Kakailanganing mag-aral upang makahanap ng mga salitang magiging angkop sa bawat talata na aking ililikha. Kailangan ko maglaan ng oras para sa aking sarili.

Fan Girl

12th of February 2017 Part 2,

Last year palang nagpepray na ako na sana makapanood ulit ako ng gig ng Silent Sanctuary. Nagkaroon naman sila ng gig malapit lapit sa akin kaso ako naman itong hindi makakarating kaya sobrang naghihinayang ako.

Tapos ayun nga, may nag-tag sa akin sa facebook page nila. Nasa Robinsons Sta. Rosa pala sila sa February 12, 2017. Edi nangontrata na ako ng mga makakasama. Pero kahit naman walang kasama, tutuloy pa rin ako manood. Tapos ayun nga, may activity pala kami sa church namin. Pero dahil mahal ko sila at bihirang makita, tumakas ako. Sorry na nga.

Nanood muna kami ng Spoken Word Poetry ni Maimai Cantillano sa Pavillion. Mga 4:30pm na kami nakaalis doon, eh 5pm yung sa Silent Sanctuary. Tsaka sakto yung oras nila, salang agad sila.

Dumating kami sa place tapos sobrang dami na ng tao. As in, wala na kaming masingitan para makita sila ng maayos. Kahit sa second at third floor, negative din. Walang choice, sumiksik kami sa gilid malapit sa backstage. Kita lang namin yung likod nila, tapos konting singit pa kita na rin yung right side ni Jason. ๐Ÿ˜

Kahit na wala na si Chino at may iba na syang kapalit, ang galing galing pa rin nila. Medyo bitin na nga lang ang tugtugan at talagang ramdam mong nag iba ng konti yung tugtugan nila. Pero ang lupit pa rin nila. They are worth the wait.

Tapos bago matapos ang tugtugan nila, may pakulo pala. May ibibigay pala silang roses sa crowd. Aba, kahit artificial lang yun. Feeling mo ikaw na ang pinakamasayang nilalang sa mundo. Ang cute nga ni Jason eh, pumunta muna sa backstage para magsuot ng jacket tsaka nagbigay ng rose. Ang cute niya. Ang cute niyang kiligin. Super! Hindi ko na nakita yung iba eh, kay Jason lang ako nakafocus ang tingin ko. Charot!

Tapos ayun, after nila tumugtog. Nandoon kami sa tapat ng backstage. Habang nagpapalit sila ng damit, nagbabakasakaling makapagpicture. Ang tagal naming naghihintay at nakaabang. Pinapasok nila kasi sa may dressing room yung mga may cds, yung admin ng fan club nila.

Tapos may isang fan doon, lumingon sa amin. May papel kasi akong hawak na may nakasulat na, “Jason, papicture naman.” Ngumiti sya tapos sabi ko ate picturan mo sila. Binigay ko yung phone ng kasama ko na nagbabakasakali rin. Tapos yung papel na hawak ko, pinalitan ko ang nakasulat. “Happy birthday, zelle! ๐Ÿ™‚” tapos inabot ko kay ate girl. Nung una nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa kasi ang daming pinapauna eh. Tsaka syempre, pag kaharap mo na sila wala ka ng ibang iisipin basta magkaroon lang kayo ng picture. Ayun, sumisilay na lang ako kay Jason. Tapos pumasok na si ate girl. Paglabas niya, sabi nya nalobat daw yung fone namin kaya hindi na nakapagvideo. Pero nakapag papicture naman kasama nga lang sila. Ugh, hawak niya yung papel ko guys! Okay okay, so paano kumalma?! Ugh! Omg!

JpegJpegJpegJpegJpeg

Fan Girl

12th of February 2017 Part 1,

Matagal nang nakaplano na manonood ako ng gig ng Silent Sanctuary whenever I have the chance. I’ve been waiting for them since November 2016. At sobra ko silang namiss, kaya sobrang nag-grab na ako ng chance kahit na may activity sa church namin. (Tumakas ako! Haha). Eh nagkataong may gig din yung isang spoken word artist sa kalapit na mall, so pinuntahan ko na rin namin. Kasama ko nga pala si Jelai at Ate Mina. Haha.

So, ganito yun. We left at 12:30pm para pumunta nang Pavillion since doon magpeperform si Maimai Cantillano – spoken word artist. May ticket daw so we decided na doon nalang kami sa labas nung harang manonood since we need to leave naman for Silent Sanctuary. Nagkataon naman na while we’re waiting eh lumabas sya kasama yung team niya para pumunta sa comfort room. Nung una nga hindi pa kami sigurado kung siya yun, until nilapitan namin. Lucky us, she let us to have a photo with her. Ang liit niya lang pala, haha. But she’s very nice. Nagtethank you rin siya sa mga nagpapicture sa kanya tapos may bow pa. Haha, cute.

The show was a talent showcase. So, it was composed of the local artists from different local talent agencies. Fast forward na kay Maimai, ayun nga. Nagperform siya accompanied with her guitarist na may itsura din. She performed first her hit poetry and the most trending one, “Sa Pagitan Kita Natagpuan“. I’ve read some of the lines of the poem but I haven’t watch any videos of her performing it. At shemaaay, ang sakit sakit! Next, she performed the one that’s in the music video ofย Ang Dating Tayo byย Tj Monterde, “Ang Dating Tayo“. Sabi niya nga, may mga nagmessage sa kanya asking for the complete version of the poem kasi sobrang bitin nga. Pero yun na daw talaga yun. Before niyang iperform yung tula, kinanta niya yung 1st stanza tsaka yung chorus. No offensement, pero mas minahal ko yung version ni Maimai Cantillano. Kahit na crush ko si Tj Monterde, mas naappreciate ko yung kay Maimai. Mas masakit pakinggan kasi babae ang kumanta tapos full of emotions pa, hindi birit tsaka ย yung boses niya buong buo. Magaling pala siya kumanta. Yun talaga yung pinakafavorite kong ginawa niya, yung kumanta siya. Haha. Lastly, she performed “Tahanan”, she said it was her second time to perform that poem. Puro nga naman kasi hugot yung mga ginawa niyang tula so why not try a new one, about love. Maganda rin naman.

It was unexpected. Very unexpected. Though, I already planned to watch a gig of Spoken Word Poetry kaya lang hindi ko naman alam kung saan sila matatagpuan. Achievement unlocked!

The next day, she posted a photo of her with my favorite, Juan Miguel Severo. It was her first time seeing him at sabi niya napadaan lang daw si JMS doon sa lugar kung nasaan siya. Hindi nga daw siya prepared that time. Nagcomment nga ako sa photo nila, sana mag collab sila. Nilike ni Maimai. Pero sana mag collab silaaaa.

#Personal

her 21st.

For the past years, I never wanted to celebrate my birthday with the usual food in the table set-up. But since I have friends who expect too much that I will invite them to my party since its my birthday, napipilitan akong maghanda. We’re not that rich like those people who celebrate their birthdays in sumptuous ways. Okay na nga sa’kin yung may maipakain lang sa kanila kapag pumunta sila sa bahay. That’s how simple I am.

Same as with the gifts. I’m not expecting any gifts either. Basta ako, I’ll be fine with just treating myself into a new restaurant or buy something that I really want or take myself into a place where I could breathe and relax. Just like that.

But my Lord had blessed me and He’s still pouring it out on me and on my family as well. There are opportunities and chances that were on my way whenever I go. Nakakakilig lang, kasi kapag pinagpala ka ni Lord, idadamay na rin Niya yung lahat ng mga tao na nasa paligid mo. Yieee!

Last year, my friends – volleyball/running buddies (Kier, Manicris, Kessel, Cindy, Crizel and Nylyn) gave me a Bible. As in yung Bible na sinabi ko sa sarili ko na bibilhin ko talaga after I finish reading my old Bible – which is 7 years na sa akin. See, it’s been years and until now hindi ko pa rin tapos basahin ang Bible. Kinikilig talaga ako that time and even until now kapag naalala ko yung surprise nila. And this year, they gave me a 2017 journal. And it looks so feminine, but it’s really nice. Talagang mapapajournal na ako, no?

More than the gifts, I can really say na ang lakas lakas ko sa Lord. I’m not really worthy for everything that I have, I don’t deserve any of this – even His love and mercy. But, He is kind and His love endures forever. He made sure na I will always be safe and secure every now and then. Nako, sa pagtawid pa nga lang sa kalsada eh. Feeling ko tuloy pang ilang buhay ko na ito. Haha! But like what I said, He blessed me and my soul indeed, though I’m not worthy.

And oh, let me add. He also blessed me on my on-the-job training. I have a five bosses and they became good to me. I remember before nung ininterview ako sa company na yun, I prayed na sana maging mabait yung mga magiging bosses ko. And He answered my prayer. They became so good to me. Natuto ako hindi lang for technical but also how to work that includes heart, dedication, initiative and so on.

I remember the last day of my ojt, my boss asked me if I could extend my training. Hindi na ako pumayag even though babayaran na ako nang 75% ng minimum wage. Reasons: napapagod na akong gumising sa umaga, tumakbo para makipaghabulan sa mga jeep at sa shuttle service. But more than that, I declined her offer for me to remind myself na nagtraining ako doon not fot the sake of money/allowance. Before, bukambibig ko kasi yung sana malaki yung allowance ganon ganyan. But its just a 25-pesos meal allowance lang ang matatanggap namin for the 50 days of training. Ngayong in-offer na sakin yung 75%, umayaw na ako. Kasi okay na ako eh, masasabi ko na sa sarili ko na hindi ako mukhang pera. And besides, sobrang bait nila sa akin. Doon palang solve na ako, kaya okay na. Kuntento na ako.
Dear: Paps,

I never got the chance to express my heart how thankful and grateful I am. Sobra sobrang pagmamahal for me to cover under your wings, it’s more than enough. And I want to thank You for the past twenty years of my life. Nagkakabali-baligtad man ang mundo ko, huminto man sa pag-ikot, You never change. You’re still the God whom I love ever since and until now. Thank You, my Lord. I offer you this another year of my life. Bless me, my family and my friends in everything we do and say. Thank You, Lord.

I love my recent life. Woooo!

#Personal

her 20 year old life secret

Hey, can I tell you a secret?

I’ve thought so many times how to end my life.

In a easiest and painless way.

How to say bittersweet goodbyes without holding back.

I remember myself holding a knife in my left hand.

Where should I stab myself?

In heart? In neck? In stomach?

I was hoping that day I will be covered with blood.

I remember also myself holding a blade,

tracing it on my wrist.

I remember how broken and sad I was,

Iย  really remember how desperate I am to die.

I have an incredible parents, yes.

But I don’t remember the happy days of my childhood.

I was being compared to anyone.

People cursed me for not being enouggh in their sight.

I was being punished for the mistakes I’ve never done.

No one was there to comfort me.

I even cursed my God because of so much sufferings I had.

I blamed Him that He let me born in this world.

I hated Him for a long time.

And so are my parents.

And my brother.

And those I considered as my best friends.

If they care about me so much, then why am I hurting?

I should have killed my self, I thought.

Until one day, everything has changed.

He heard my cries, I guessed.

Yet, my pain didn’t end.

It became worst.

Words that came out from their mouths,

became a sword that strooke at my heart fiercely. Deeply.

Their harshful words became my daily reminder.

“You are not enough. And you will never be enough.”

“Wala kang kwenta kahit kailan.”

“Tatanga tanga ka kasi.”

“Mamatay ka na.”

There.

They even wished me to die.

Like my wish to myself.

But, hey.

Can I tell you another secret?

I’m still alive.

Breathing.

Living.

I allowed my dark world to consume me for years,

to the point that I felt my life was just a waste.

I grew tired being a slave of my past,

being broken and empty.

I thought I would never forgive them.

I thought I would be a prisoner of sadness that slowly will kill me.

I realized, that life was worth-living afterall.

I pray. I wait.

Can I tell you one more secret?

I survived.

I lived because of those people.

Whom I thought would destroy me until the end.

Iย  opened my heart.

I forgave. I forget.

I have thought of ending my life more often than counting my age.

But today, I chose not to.

I now want to live longer that I thought.

I now want to see another world after that I’ve been through.

I now want to have a better view of life.

I now want to live by faith and not by sight.

I now want to learn how how to love.

And to feelย  how it is being loved.

I now want to travel.

I now want to see my stolen pictures,

me wearing a happy heart.

Iย  now realized that life will not end just because

we want to.

I now want to believe that this monster will die

and will no longer have power in me.

“For I am now in charge of my own thoughts.

They are no longer in charge of me.”

Disclaimer: Her 20 year old secretย  ay ginawa ko at ang isang post sa isang blog ang ginamit ko bilang halimbawa.

Heart

Her heart way back years ago.

It was innocent and pure. She doesn’t get excited when a guy ask for a friendship or get butterflies in her stomach when a guy becomes clingy to her. No. not anymore.

She was too young since then, She never knew that infatuation can lead into some decisions that made herย regret – for the rest of herย life.

When she was in her early years in high school, she had a boyfriend that lasted for six days. She wasn’t serious about it, she didn’t even thought that she will have a boyfriend at that time. It was just a peer pressure, sinagot nya lang yung guy kasi ang kulit na niya masyado. Later, she found out that he became a father. After her, at that very young age, he fell in love to someone and had a child and left both of them behind.

And finally, after months of being her ultimate crush, naging sila rin. Which lasted for 3 months. She became serious in this one, unlike before, because she’s deeply in love with this guy ever since they met. Even before that he was in a relationship. That’s why she was glad, and thought that it was a dream came true.

Even though she’s in a relationship, she was active in her ministry. Yet, her relationship with the guy was well-hidden. Until she attended an encounter God retreat and realized that what her doing is wrong. Two days after EGR, she broke up with him. It was the right thing to do. But she left him without telling her reason. Five years after, 2017, there still a distance between them. Even though their friendship before was really tight, wala na talaga. Nagkakailangan pa rin. And she realized na sana hindi naging sila kasi sobrang sayang yung friendship.

She was in college when another guy knocked her heart. Like before, they started as friends. They were comfortable to open themselves up to each other and they became more than friends. It was a mutual understanding until the guy told her he will court her. She let him. As the days passed, out of nowhere, the guy disappeared. He didn’t call her, she doesn’t know what happened and where to find him. And one night, he admitted that he already had girlfriend while courting her.

She was deeply hurt. Angry. And still waiting for him to come back and ask for forgiveness. But it turned the other way, she was the one who asked him, “Pwede pa bang bumalik?”, and they became okay. Until sa naging hindi na, and soon the guy let her go blaming her for what happened.

Years later, she realized that she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but she tried to have one. She knew it didn’t last since the beginning but still she pursued it. Why? Because she was curious and wanted to experience it. Pero yun nga, kapag minamalas ka nga naman. And one thing, it didn’t last because she didn’t pray for it. Na ma-meet nya yung guy na papasa sa standards nya, na male-lead sya closer to God. Everything was for fun and experience, and other times she regret everything that happened.

Now, she wants her heart back to its purity and innocence. This time, she’s praying for her future partner as her God-given lover. She knows marami pang oras. She’s still young and she still have dreams to fulfill. But she’s praying, that when God let her meet her lover, she’s ready to fall in love in a Godly way.

#Personal

Last days of 2016

2016 is a blast. There are things that we expected to happened. And there are some that are not. Minsan nga sa sobrang bilis nang mga pangyayari, natutulala ka na lang eh. But of course, we must and should be thankful for everything. Dapat maging masaya tayo na may mga naranasan tayo ngayong taon na hindi natin makakalimutan. Pinaiyak man tayo, pinatawa, sinurpresa, pinalungkot, pinagtaka, pinagtaranta, pinaisip o kahit ano pa man yan. We must be thankful kasi we have new memories and experiences na maisshare natin sa iba. Diba? Diba.

I’ve read an article.. saktong sakto ngayong panahon, about letting go and moving forward. And I thought, this might be a good first entry here. So, yeah, enjoy!

 

37 Things to Let Go of in 2017

Worrying about what has happened in the past.

The need to be in control of everything.

The idea of a โ€œperfect life.โ€

Fear of the unknown.

Unhealthy relationships.

Worrying about things you can’t change.

Clothing you haven’t worn in over a year.

A job you hate.

Overscheduling your life.

Comparing yourself to other people.

Placing your partner on an unrealistic pedestal.

Going small when you can go BIG.

Your insecurities.

A negative body image.

Fear of failure.

Clutter in your home.

Procrastinating on important things.

Overspending.

Your pride.

Worrying what others think of you.

Excuses.

Your dependency on social media.

Your comfort zone.

Failing to care for your physical health.

Grudges.

Lazy habits that are holding you back.

Past debts.

The belief that the “grass is always greener.”

Gossip.

Guilt and anger over past events.

Any possessions that donโ€™t bring you joy.

Unrealistic expectations.

Trying to make everyone happy.

Old things you can donate or sell for cash.

Overindulging in unhealthy habits

Jealousy.

Anyone and anything that doesn’t make you happy.

Guilty yata ako sa lahat.. medyo mashaket eh.

Anyways, have a bountiful new year everyone! Love you, guys. :))))

Disclaimer: Wrote this when I took a break from my on-the-job training. Productive enough.

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