Heart

Her heart way back years ago.

It was innocent and pure. She doesn’t get excited when a guy ask for a friendship or get butterflies in her stomach when a guy becomes clingy to her. No. not anymore.

She was too young since then, She never knew that infatuation can lead into some decisions that made herΒ regret – for the rest of herΒ life.

When she was in her early years in high school, she had a boyfriend that lasted for six days. She wasn’t serious about it, she didn’t even thought that she will have a boyfriend at that time. It was just a peer pressure, sinagot nya lang yung guy kasi ang kulit na niya masyado. Later, she found out that he became a father. After her, at that very young age, he fell in love to someone and had a child and left both of them behind.

And finally, after months of being her ultimate crush, naging sila rin. Which lasted for 3 months. She became serious in this one, unlike before, because she’s deeply in love with this guy ever since they met. Even before that he was in a relationship. That’s why she was glad, and thought that it was a dream came true.

Even though she’s in a relationship, she was active in her ministry. Yet, her relationship with the guy was well-hidden. Until she attended an encounter God retreat and realized that what her doing is wrong. Two days after EGR, she broke up with him. It was the right thing to do. But she left him without telling her reason. Five years after, 2017, there still a distance between them. Even though their friendship before was really tight, wala na talaga. Nagkakailangan pa rin. And she realized na sana hindi naging sila kasi sobrang sayang yung friendship.

She was in college when another guy knocked her heart. Like before, they started as friends. They were comfortable to open themselves up to each other and they became more than friends. It was a mutual understanding until the guy told her he will court her. She let him. As the days passed, out of nowhere, the guy disappeared. He didn’t call her, she doesn’t know what happened and where to find him. And one night, he admitted that he already had girlfriend while courting her.

She was deeply hurt. Angry. And still waiting for him to come back and ask for forgiveness. But it turned the other way, she was the one who asked him, “Pwede pa bang bumalik?”, and they became okay. Until sa naging hindi na, and soon the guy let her go blaming her for what happened.

Years later, she realized that she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but she tried to have one. She knew it didn’t last since the beginning but still she pursued it. Why? Because she was curious and wanted to experience it. Pero yun nga, kapag minamalas ka nga naman. And one thing, it didn’t last because she didn’t pray for it. Na ma-meet nya yung guy na papasa sa standards nya, na male-lead sya closer to God. Everything was for fun and experience, and other times she regret everything that happened.

Now, she wants her heart back to its purity and innocence. This time, she’s praying for her future partner as her God-given lover. She knows marami pang oras. She’s still young and she still have dreams to fulfill. But she’s praying, that when God let her meet her lover, she’s ready to fall in love in a Godly way.